we sang this song at church yesterday and it shook me. I of course was crying. this is what I want so badly. this is my prayer.
God in my living
There in my breathing
God in my waking
God in my sleeping
God in my resting
There in my working
God in my thinking
God in my speaking
Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything
God in my hoping
There in my dreaming
God in my watching
God in my waiting
God in my laughing
There in my weeping
God in my hurting
God in my healing
Christ in me
Christ in me
Christ in me the hope of glory
You are everything
Christ in me
Christ in me
Christ in me the hope of glory
Be my everything
Monday, August 31, 2009
Monday, August 24, 2009
discipline
Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:7-11
God I pray this be so.
I pray that my heart is open to his discipline so that He may increase my righteousness. How often we view discipline from God as something bad. It's ironic that when I discipline my children I realize that I must do so so that I can help them learn lesson to become wonderful adults. I teach them right and wrong, I teach them respect, I teach them the proper way to treat each other, I teach so much that I can not write about in a simple blog post. I don't expect my children to know already know these things. I realize that it is my job to teach them through instruction and sometimes discipline. I realize that some lessons must be taught over and over again before it is cemented in their little heads. I only get frustrated when one of my children does something that I know, they know, is very wrong.
Is it the same with God? Some lessons must be taught so that we can reap the benefits of his teaching and instruction? He knows that some lessons He has to teach us over and over again? That He only gets angry when we willfully disobey Him? That because He loves us as a father that his patience is more than we can imagine? I believe that it is so.
How wonderful a picture of our God! A loving father that is just trying to shape us into the best we can possibly be.
God, I know that sometimes I hide when you try to discipline me. Help me to somehow accept your discipline so that I may "produce a harvest of righteousness and peace" in my life.
Friday, August 21, 2009
staying relevant
I've been thinking lately about the church being relevant in the world. I have been starting to realize that maybe the more important issue is individuals being relevant to those around them. Maybe that really is more important of the two issues. When someone walks into a church they know why they are there. People don't normally wander into a church because they wonder what all this "christian stuff" is all about. It might happen, but I believe it is rare.
On the other hand individuals that we work with, people we become friends with, neighbors or even family see us. They get to know us. Instead of an institution they see an individual. A church as a whole is a place for corporate worship, fellowship, community, ministry, instruction, etc. An individual is a chance for others to see on an individual basis who and what Jesus is.
So how do we stay relevant to those around us? Do we talk about loving Jesus every second we can? Do we witness every chance we get? I strongly believe the answer is a resounding NO!
If we look at Jesus' example time and time again He met people where they were. He went into a house that shocked others, He met someone in their most desperate hour, He shocked and dismayed the local leaders with His ministry. He considered the individual much more important than the sanctity of the religion of the time.
I think we have to realize what are the societal rules and religious rules of our day. I think we also have to realize what our own personal limits are. Is it wrong to go into a bar and have a drink with a coworker? I really don't believe so. While it is wrong to go get drunk with the coworker I see no harm in going to relate to someone you work with. What if said co-worker has never met a follower of Christ willing to come to them? What if the only way that that co-worker will open up to you is if you come down to their level and show your human side?
The question that needs to be asked is what is going to help you with this friend, co-worker, family member, etc? What can I do to become relevant to them? One MUST use discernment and examine their own heart as to what the boundaries are and what will help you reach out. Fortunately I believe we don't often need to push our personal limits to become relevant.
I think that showing your human side is the crux of staying relevant to those around you. While it is exceptionally important to show your divine side I think it needs to be that. Showing. Not talking. Because as we all know actions are more important than words. Being an everyday witness. However you decide to show your human side is up to you. I believe that those that know you love Jesus will ask you on their own about Him when they are ready.
My husband and I have often experienced this more often than not in our ministry. If we come down to someone on their level they will spontaneously ask about Jesus. We invite them over for dinner, we set up play dates with their kids, we give someone a ride to work when their car breaks down, we listen to family troubles and just listen. Eventually people realize that we have something that they want, that we have qualities the they appreciate. Suddenly a door is flung open wide because of the work of the Holy Spirit prompting their hearts and they start to ask questions.
So when everyone is asking 'how do we make the church more relevant?' I feel the question that should be asked is 'how do we make ourselves more relevant?"
So how do you make yourself relevant?
On the other hand individuals that we work with, people we become friends with, neighbors or even family see us. They get to know us. Instead of an institution they see an individual. A church as a whole is a place for corporate worship, fellowship, community, ministry, instruction, etc. An individual is a chance for others to see on an individual basis who and what Jesus is.
So how do we stay relevant to those around us? Do we talk about loving Jesus every second we can? Do we witness every chance we get? I strongly believe the answer is a resounding NO!
If we look at Jesus' example time and time again He met people where they were. He went into a house that shocked others, He met someone in their most desperate hour, He shocked and dismayed the local leaders with His ministry. He considered the individual much more important than the sanctity of the religion of the time.
I think we have to realize what are the societal rules and religious rules of our day. I think we also have to realize what our own personal limits are. Is it wrong to go into a bar and have a drink with a coworker? I really don't believe so. While it is wrong to go get drunk with the coworker I see no harm in going to relate to someone you work with. What if said co-worker has never met a follower of Christ willing to come to them? What if the only way that that co-worker will open up to you is if you come down to their level and show your human side?
The question that needs to be asked is what is going to help you with this friend, co-worker, family member, etc? What can I do to become relevant to them? One MUST use discernment and examine their own heart as to what the boundaries are and what will help you reach out. Fortunately I believe we don't often need to push our personal limits to become relevant.
I think that showing your human side is the crux of staying relevant to those around you. While it is exceptionally important to show your divine side I think it needs to be that. Showing. Not talking. Because as we all know actions are more important than words. Being an everyday witness. However you decide to show your human side is up to you. I believe that those that know you love Jesus will ask you on their own about Him when they are ready.
My husband and I have often experienced this more often than not in our ministry. If we come down to someone on their level they will spontaneously ask about Jesus. We invite them over for dinner, we set up play dates with their kids, we give someone a ride to work when their car breaks down, we listen to family troubles and just listen. Eventually people realize that we have something that they want, that we have qualities the they appreciate. Suddenly a door is flung open wide because of the work of the Holy Spirit prompting their hearts and they start to ask questions.
So when everyone is asking 'how do we make the church more relevant?' I feel the question that should be asked is 'how do we make ourselves more relevant?"
So how do you make yourself relevant?
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
small moments
I was at a baby shower where we were asked to give advice about motherhood. After ten or so of the women went I just could not get up the nerve to talk. Although I force myself to be outgoing when I am in "ministry mode" at some time in the last few years I have become very reserved - almost shy.
I have been thinking about that question for the past couple days. What, in my almost 5 years of motherhood, would be my greatest advice?
When John and I started dating we had a long distance relationship. John would call me on the phone and ask me what the best part of my day was. This has continued through out our whole marriage. So often I think during the day of what my answer will be. This has been such a good thing for me with my children. Not only do I try to pick out good moments that I have had with them throughout the day but I have also learned to treasure a moment; a hug, a kiss, when they make me laugh. Sometimes it's something that I should get mad about, like when my daughter finds my some lipstick and decided she wants to be just like mommy. Other times it's when my son finally says a word that we have working on for a while. It can be a simple as my children showing each other affection or kindness.
My favorite moments are when my children fall asleep next to me or in my arms. I can watch their sweet little faces and remember all that I love about them. I can forget the discipline of the day and the frustrating moments and focus on them with all the love I have.
That is my advice M, treasure moments, love, and laugh. Motherhood is frustrating and wonderful all at the same time. We have to focus on those wonderful moments even if they come while our children are sleeping.
I have been thinking about that question for the past couple days. What, in my almost 5 years of motherhood, would be my greatest advice?
When John and I started dating we had a long distance relationship. John would call me on the phone and ask me what the best part of my day was. This has continued through out our whole marriage. So often I think during the day of what my answer will be. This has been such a good thing for me with my children. Not only do I try to pick out good moments that I have had with them throughout the day but I have also learned to treasure a moment; a hug, a kiss, when they make me laugh. Sometimes it's something that I should get mad about, like when my daughter finds my some lipstick and decided she wants to be just like mommy. Other times it's when my son finally says a word that we have working on for a while. It can be a simple as my children showing each other affection or kindness.
My favorite moments are when my children fall asleep next to me or in my arms. I can watch their sweet little faces and remember all that I love about them. I can forget the discipline of the day and the frustrating moments and focus on them with all the love I have.
That is my advice M, treasure moments, love, and laugh. Motherhood is frustrating and wonderful all at the same time. We have to focus on those wonderful moments even if they come while our children are sleeping.
Monday, August 17, 2009
cry baby cry
when I was a teenager I used to look smugly at people who cried in church. I wondered why can't they just be happy in the presence of God? Why do they not feel the joy that is in him? Why can't they release all their hurts to Him and just worship Him? It was condescending and smug thoughts like that that I am so ashamed of now. In fact I am very ashamed of the person I used to be.
We are going to a new church. For the first time in years I am loving corporate worship. The very first Sunday I was there I sobbed during worship. The next Sunday I cried again. Yesterday - the same. I realized that it is okay, to cry, because in worshiping I become vulnerable. My very heart is laid before the maker of the universe. My hurt, worn, tired heart. In those moments, in His presence, He accepts me and loves me. He cares. It is such a powerful moment.
When I was 13 I went on a missions trip with my youth group. We stopped at a Teen Challenge. During a worship service one of the residence walked into a hallway sobbing. Quite a few of the youth group girls gathered around her to pray for complete healing. One very wise man came over and stopped us. He quietly took us aside and told us that this woman (who was probably still a teenager) had experienced so much hurt and pain in her life that no simple prayers were going to make it all go away. He probably understood like I do now that there are some events in our lives that cause permanent wounds. Wounds that never fully go away. God can help us be at peace with our constant hurt, but because of the nature of the wound He can not make it go away.
I don't know why that experience didn't stick with me through my growing up years. Maybe I was fooled into believing that people at church were always good and God always protected them from harm and therefore did not experience the same kind of hurt and pain that the woman at Teen Challenge did. Another lie that has been exposed for what it is in my life.
I have an open wound that will never go away. I have bandaged it up so the world can not see it. People believe what they want to about me. Yet in the presence of God those bandages are ripped off and the hurt and awfulness of it all is exposed. I can not pretend it is not there in front of Him. I can not pretend that simply being in the presence of God does not reveal even the darkest parts of my heart. I feel almost a sense of relief. He knows, He cares, I am free. The hurt tears are mingled with tears if joy.
Those tears are precious to me. So I will cry. God will hear. I will rejoice that He does.
We are going to a new church. For the first time in years I am loving corporate worship. The very first Sunday I was there I sobbed during worship. The next Sunday I cried again. Yesterday - the same. I realized that it is okay, to cry, because in worshiping I become vulnerable. My very heart is laid before the maker of the universe. My hurt, worn, tired heart. In those moments, in His presence, He accepts me and loves me. He cares. It is such a powerful moment.
When I was 13 I went on a missions trip with my youth group. We stopped at a Teen Challenge. During a worship service one of the residence walked into a hallway sobbing. Quite a few of the youth group girls gathered around her to pray for complete healing. One very wise man came over and stopped us. He quietly took us aside and told us that this woman (who was probably still a teenager) had experienced so much hurt and pain in her life that no simple prayers were going to make it all go away. He probably understood like I do now that there are some events in our lives that cause permanent wounds. Wounds that never fully go away. God can help us be at peace with our constant hurt, but because of the nature of the wound He can not make it go away.
I don't know why that experience didn't stick with me through my growing up years. Maybe I was fooled into believing that people at church were always good and God always protected them from harm and therefore did not experience the same kind of hurt and pain that the woman at Teen Challenge did. Another lie that has been exposed for what it is in my life.
I have an open wound that will never go away. I have bandaged it up so the world can not see it. People believe what they want to about me. Yet in the presence of God those bandages are ripped off and the hurt and awfulness of it all is exposed. I can not pretend it is not there in front of Him. I can not pretend that simply being in the presence of God does not reveal even the darkest parts of my heart. I feel almost a sense of relief. He knows, He cares, I am free. The hurt tears are mingled with tears if joy.
Those tears are precious to me. So I will cry. God will hear. I will rejoice that He does.
Friday, August 14, 2009
backslidden
i hate the word "backslidden." - as in "That brother in Christ has backslidden." It always comes with a shaking of the head and looking downward. The person who says it assumes that another's actions completely denote what is going on in the heart. And yes to a point they are right. Actions often denote what is in the heart. But what makes me more frustrated is the person standing next to them can often be backslidden in their head or even their heart. It's easy to do, especially if you have grown up in the church, you know all the right words, actions and deeds. On the outside you look like you are a godly man or woman, but on the inside you are slowly shriveling away to nothing. Your relationship with Christ is almost non-existent.
To me someone who has backslidden in only their head and heart are harder to reach than someone who the church views as backslidden, those who's actions are viewed as ungodly. It is those people that look good on the outside that were talked about in Revelation 3:16. People sometimes slip away from God so slowly that they themselves don't even notice until one day they feel a serious void in their lives. Because of routine they can not know they are lacking until they stop, become introspective, and examine their heart. It is at that point they have to make a decision. Do I actively work on my relationship with Christ or do I make excuses and think I am good enough because I look good to the world, the church, and even my family?
There is a small hole in my heart. I feel as if I too fight this battle of being backslidden in my head and my heart. Complacency plays a major role. I long for the closeness I once had with Jesus. I still pray, still listen to christian music, still go to church but something is missing. There is so much more that I am missing. I want so badly to be as close to Him as I once was. So will I make excuses or will I strive to be intimate with my Jesus, my God? I don't know. But I know I hate this partial hole in my heart and I long to fill it as only He can.
To me someone who has backslidden in only their head and heart are harder to reach than someone who the church views as backslidden, those who's actions are viewed as ungodly. It is those people that look good on the outside that were talked about in Revelation 3:16. People sometimes slip away from God so slowly that they themselves don't even notice until one day they feel a serious void in their lives. Because of routine they can not know they are lacking until they stop, become introspective, and examine their heart. It is at that point they have to make a decision. Do I actively work on my relationship with Christ or do I make excuses and think I am good enough because I look good to the world, the church, and even my family?
There is a small hole in my heart. I feel as if I too fight this battle of being backslidden in my head and my heart. Complacency plays a major role. I long for the closeness I once had with Jesus. I still pray, still listen to christian music, still go to church but something is missing. There is so much more that I am missing. I want so badly to be as close to Him as I once was. So will I make excuses or will I strive to be intimate with my Jesus, my God? I don't know. But I know I hate this partial hole in my heart and I long to fill it as only He can.
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