backslidden

i hate the word "backslidden." - as in "That brother in Christ has backslidden." It always comes with a shaking of the head and looking downward. The person who says it assumes that another's actions completely denote what is going on in the heart. And yes to a point they are right. Actions often denote what is in the heart. But what makes me more frustrated is the person standing next to them can often be backslidden in their head or even their heart. It's easy to do, especially if you have grown up in the church, you know all the right words, actions and deeds. On the outside you look like you are a godly man or woman, but on the inside you are slowly shriveling away to nothing. Your relationship with Christ is almost non-existent.

To me someone who has backslidden in only their head and heart are harder to reach than someone who the church views as backslidden, those who's actions are viewed as ungodly. It is those people that look good on the outside that were talked about in Revelation 3:16. People sometimes slip away from God so slowly that they themselves don't even notice until one day they feel a serious void in their lives. Because of routine they can not know they are lacking until they stop, become introspective, and examine their heart. It is at that point they have to make a decision. Do I actively work on my relationship with Christ or do I make excuses and think I am good enough because I look good to the world, the church, and even my family?

There is a small hole in my heart. I feel as if I too fight this battle of being backslidden in my head and my heart. Complacency plays a major role. I long for the closeness I once had with Jesus. I still pray, still listen to christian music, still go to church but something is missing. There is so much more that I am missing. I want so badly to be as close to Him as I once was. So will I make excuses or will I strive to be intimate with my Jesus, my God? I don't know. But I know I hate this partial hole in my heart and I long to fill it as only He can.