Morning

Last night I had many contractions. Very painful contractions. Other stuff is going on too. I really believe that my body is preparing to end my pregnancy. And still I feel a peace. I feel like drawing near to God. I feel His arms around me comforting me and I hear Him whispering in my ear that "it is okay, I am here, and I love you."

I don't know why, but I know that this baby is special. I was praying in church the day after I had a positive pregnancy test. I heard God whisper in my ear that "I have a special purpose for this baby." I when up to the front for prayer after the service and you know what? The person who was praying for me said the exact same words to me "God has a special purpose for this baby." I believe it still. I don't understand but I know that He does. Even in death this baby has a story. Even now this child is with my Father. I will not be quiet about this loss. I will tell Baby Beans story. I will not brush past this loss and pass it off as nothing. God has allowed us to loose this child for a reason. I might never know that reason. But my baby's life was special, it has purpose. I believe that with my whole heart, because I believe my Father's words to me.

Faith is a funny thing isn't it?